On My Own
by PseudonymAlias
Summary: During OoTP, Albus leaves to search for horcruxes, but leaves heartbroken Min alone with her thoughts. Really angsty.


**A/N:** So, this was the first fanfiction I ever wrote. I have an account on the MMAD proboards, and I've written stuff on there, but this is the first thing I've done for this website if anyone cares. XP

**Warning:** It is MMAD. McGonagall/Dumbledore fanfiction. Don't like it, don't read it.

On My Own (Les Miserables Songfic)

It was a long day, and as she walked through the corridors to her rooms, she remembered that there would not be a chess game between herself and Albus that night. He was gone again. It had been two weeks now, but she knew that this was only the beginning. Her heart ached when he was gone, and she knew it shouldn't. He was her friend. Just a friend. He didn't feel this way about her, but she had felt it for years. She carried it with her like Atlas carried the world on his shoulders for over fifty years now. The burden never left her. She had tried not to admit to herself that she cared for him like that; it only made it worse. Despite it all, both in her head and in her heart, she knew perfectly well that she was madly in love with Albus Dumbledore.

_And now I'm all alone again, nowhere to turn no one to go to. Without a home without a friend without a face to say hello to. And now the night is here, no I can make believe he's here. _

Minerva? She thought she heard his voice, and when no one was there, she knew that she had gone delusional. She wondered when he would come back…if he came back. She couldn't think that way, but the thoughts always crept into the back of her mind, She went for a walk outside. There was no way she was going to get any sleep tonight.

_Sometimes I walk alone at night when everybody else is sleeping. I think of him and then I'm happy with the company I'm keeping. The city goes to bed and I can live inside my head._

The stars were bright, and the sounds outside were comforting. She walked by the lake, and remembered how much he loved the water. A small smile graced her face as she recalled how they had a splash fight there once. They were young and foolish then. Nothing was complicated.

_On my own, pretending he's beside me. All alone, I walk with him till morning. Without him, I feel his arms around me, and when I lose my way I close my eyes and he has found me._

Trapped in her own fantasies, she could feel his gentle presence. He guided her slowly and took her hand. He was there with her, for now.

_In the rain, the pavement shines like silver. All the lights are misty in the river. In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight, and all I see is him and me forever and forever._

The grass shined from the day's rain and the moonlight was dimly reflected in the lake. The surroundings were beautiful, but at this point, all she needed was him.

_And I know it's only in my mind. That I'm talking to myself and not to him. And although, I know that he is blind, still I say there's a way for us._

She knew it was stupid to hope for anything. As blunt of a word as stupid was, that was exactly the word to describe it. He had no idea of anything, and obviously he didn't care for her whatsoever if he kept leaving like this. He probably felt like he didn't need to tell her anything. She didn't need to know. She trusted his decisions, but she still missed him so much, and wanted him to be all right, wherever he was. She wished he was here with her, loving her forever. Part of her still believed that it could be. Obviously it wasn't the sensible part of herself.

_I love him, but when night is over, he is gone. The river's just a river. Without him, the world around me changes, the trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers._

Everything was dreary without him. The students needed him as well as the rest of the faculty. Rolanda noticed how much she was affected by Albus's absences, but she never said a word. Without her chatter, she felt alone. She never showed it though. As usual, she was the strong Minerva McGonagall. She knew the students needed someone to stay secure, or Umbridge would take over the entire place. Despite her appearance, her world was grey, but no one could ever know.

_I love him, but every day I'm learning. All my life I've only been pretending. Without me, his world will go one turning. A world that's full of happiness that I have never known. _

She knew he didn't love her back/ She was kidding herself with such childish nonsense. She tried never to ask about his love life, but she knew he probably had a girlfriend and they were very happy together. His world didn't revolve around her the way that hers did around him. He could be happy and free from the torment that she experienced day by day.

_I love him._

_ I love him._

_ I love him._

_ But only on my own._


End file.
